The Chain Letter Child Who Never Lives or Dies
Inside the Mind of a Dying Child Hoaxter

Click to play audio.

Presenting for your entertainment *drumroll*

The Chain Letter Child!

*Tada!*

• * *

I'm Amy...No, Jessica..No, Jessie, no, Rachel...No, Tamara - wait, it's Kayla! What was my last name again? Bruce? No, I think it was Anderson or Arlington. No, it was Winslet. No, sorry, it was Mydek - no, it's Martin - no, sorry, that was two weeks ago, it's Whightman now!

I'll keep acquiring new names in order to do my best at keeping ahead of the hoax radar so that anyone hoping to prove anything won't be able to search me out on any hoax-busting site! Darn Snopes, Breakthechain and others always seem to catch on way too quickly as it is!

My name is Amy Amanda Alexandra Jessica Jessie Kayla Lanisha Nathalie Nikisha Rachel Tamara Anderson-Arlington-Bruce-Mydek-Jackson-Johnson-Martin Whightman-Winslet.

I'm also the kid who goes missing every two weeks for the past ten years, just call me Brown...Penny Brown...And the same one who keeps coming down with some rare fictional condition that gives me only six months to live. In that form, I like to call myself Rachel Arlington, Jessica Mydek, Amy Bruce, and many others. When I decide to be Rachel, I'm ten month-years old. And I've been pulling the six months to live stunt for the past decade at least, and people still buy into it.

I'm also the dead girl who sometimes threatens to kill you if you refuse to pass on a chain letter, then you can call me Amanda or Bloody Mary.

I can change my gender at will, so I might revisit you again as Matt Dawson, Jeff DeLeon, Rhyan Desquetado, or Christopher John Mineo JR and try to make you do what I want.

I'll sometimes take on the role of any sad or angelic child in the poems and essays of other people to do it; even if these writers didn't give me permission and they are stripped of their proper credit as the author.

The best way I know to get people passing on chain email is by threatening to die if they don't, and by telling them they are heartless if they refuse.

I like to pack the hardest emotional wallop as possible so you'll think I might be for real, and I can continue to sadden people with my sob stories.

That way, I can indulge in my favorite passtime, calling insults, fooling and mega-guilt-tripping people into passing on my completely fictional life and death story! You see, I get a big charge out of accusing everybody of not caring about children whenever they fail to pass on a smarmy chain letter to bring tears to the eyes of all their contacts all over the internet!

And the best part?

I've been getting away with this for years! Scott free! I like to see others take the heat for both being gullible, and for not being gullible, and nobody has ever been able to catch me yet!

Dipsy forwarder falls into their tissue box, believing every one of my malarkey sad tales. Forwarder spams all their contacts.

Maybe one or two contacts actually have enough sense not to believe it, and the honesty to set their poor manipulated friend straight.

Forwarder gets mad at the debunker for being insensitive, or maybe just because the forwarder is embarrassed at having been made a fool of.

Debunker gets mad at the forwarder for being a git, and then for trying to excuse their folly.

Forwarder eventually stops emailing debunker because forwarder would rather go on believing in chain letters and passing them on without having their sad heroic illusions about themselves and chain letters, shattered.

So, did I make you cry?

Or did I just make you mad?

Did I make you mad at your foolish friends?

Or did I make you mad at the person or people who told you you've been had?

Either way, I win, you lose!
Hahahahahahahahahaha!

--

Voices in the audio courtesy of Nextup.com's Text Aloud reader with TTS voices from Acapela, Cepstral and Microsoft.

 Create your own educational wiki!HelpPublic, not yet premium Privacy Policy RSS